As I lay in bed I had visions of that day with Marcus. Why'd I have to go back? Am I not done here yet? Why did Marcus's expression make me feel like there was something else he wanted to say? I imagined what would happen if I stayed in Greece and settled down. But I couldn't feel that it was the right thing, because others needed me to bring to them the joy of the Lord. How could I let feelings of love betray my purpose for being put on earth. I am here to serve the Lord. Do I put my silly crush above the greater good? I got up and went outside to watch the moon rise, and saw a glimmer which was a star. I wish for the knowledge of what to do. What is my path? I immediately thought of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant; it does not seek it's own, it is not provoked, does not take into account of a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
I woke up the next day with a note on my pillow: Emily, I will be out with a friend, today. Take care of Lena. Love, Nikki. I sat in the kitchen, and stared at the peeling paint on the walls. I helped myself to pancakes, and waited for Lena to come in. I heard the shower running, and soon she appeared in the doorway with a towel covering her. "Up late last night?", Lena asked. I nodded. "Couldn't sleep", I replied. "Well, I heard a stone on my window, and to my surprise, it was Marcus. Weird!" She replied back. I blushed, and she exclaimed, "I KNEW IT!" She chuckled. "It's not like that", I told her," I'm here to help people". "You need to let him know, because I think he has the wrong assumption", She exclaimed. " I will", I said. But in my heart I didn't know how to do it. Lena burst out, "Let's go swimming, Em. We could go to the beach near the island of Crete." I nodded and put on my swim suit, while Lena put on her two-piece bikini. A couple of hours later we were having a blast in the cool water. It turned out to be very hot around lunch time. I applied more sunscreen. "Don't you just love this?" She said. " I do", I shouted gleefully. We walked up a cliff and I jumped off...falling towards the beautiful blue of the sea. I loved swimming back at home.Memories flooded of Liz and I kayaking at Beer Creek in Virginia, before we decided to move out west. Those were good times. I felt a pang for my friends back in the U.S. I thought of them often during the day. The day seemed to go on and on. When we were at the market place, we saw some young men looking at us fleetingly. One came up to me, and pinched me on the rear. Lena laughed. I wanted to go dump the fish we purchased on top of his head. As I came closer to him, out of the corner of my eye I spotted Marcus staring. Oh no! What if he thought I was going up to make a move. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression of me. I turned instead, and said," Hey Marcus!" But he didn't come any closer. His eyes were filled with sadness and he left quickly. Lena saw, and patted me on the back, saying, "It's OK". I knew I needed to be patient if I wanted to ride this wave through. I didn't know if Marcus was someone I was suppose to share my life with or not. I was confused. But Lena was right that he felt differently.
That night as I combed my hair back in the oval mirror I studied myself. Was I a good person to let this happen; to watch this man fall when I didn't know if I felt the same. I tried to see what he saw in me. He was very charming, and witty, but most of all he was a good friend. I knew I'd be traveling to other parts of the world with my job. He can't come with me, for this was my path to follow. Then I thought of his children. I would miss them dearly. Children are sacred to the Lord. What will happen to them. My heart was racing, and I didn't know how to describe what I felt. I wanted to see Marcus to explain that there was someone else out there. But thinking of him and someone else made me feel pain inside. I want him to be happy, though. The next morning, Lena told her mother what happened in the market at the breakfast table. Nikki explained to me that it's hard to know what to do sometimes when you have feelings for someone, but the best thing is to be honest. I thought that was great advice! Nikki even talked about how she was dating someone currently, and in private she admitted she didn't know if Lena would approve. Her child meant everything to her. I told her if he's the right person, things will work out. Then suddenly I felt like I should follow my own advice. How could I be so blind?
I went to the market this time to seek Marcus. As soon as I saw him I knew my feelings were solid. I sunk up behind him and tapped his shoulder, " Could I speak to you? " He looked surprised, and then his face sunk in his hands. " I'm so stupid!" he said, " I shouldn't feel this way." I decided it was now or never, and started out by saying, " I like you Marcus, but I feel it's unfair when your here, and I'm halfway around the world. Your a great guy, and I'm sorry if I hurt you or led you on." He took his time to speak, then said, "I admit I've had feelings for you that I've never felt before, but I won't get in the way of your journey or force you to feel the same." I said, quickly, " But I do feel the same, Marcus, and I don't know why since we've just begun to know each other." He took my face in his hands, and kissed my forehead. " I don't want to lose you", I finished. " Hopefully, we'll cross paths again, but for now I want you to do the Lord's work." He seemed more peaceful than ever. I marveled that this could become more, but then, to keep him waiting for me is selfish. "Marcus, I want you to be open to love. If someone else makes you feel more than you feel for me, then take the opportunity to get to know them. Promise me." "I promise", he said. With that one word, I walked out of the market, and knew I was doing the right thing, even if my heart hurt.
